Disenchanted
by This Broken Heart
Summary: Lulu's torn between her love for four different men. Dillon, her first love. Diego, the dangerous one. Cruz, the cop. And Milo, the shy bodyguard. oneshot


I've been asked if it's possible to love two people at the same time. And, I'm here to tell you now, that it is. In fact, I'm in love with four completely different men. I once joked that I was the kind of person who is never satisfied. And I think that's a possibility. I have the hearts of four wonderful men, who I all love in return. I've been honest with each of them and they've respected my confusion. But I know they want me to choose, to end this ridiculous dance we've all been doing. And I want that too. It's not fair to anyone, me or them, to keep this charade going. I have a daughter to worry about. I was actually surprised that they were all so accepting of her. Dillon had to be... He's her father. But the others could've walked away. I can see now, after so many months, how selfish I've been. Arianna deserves more than this from her mother. I'm nineteen... It's ridiculous to think of myself as someone's mom. And it's embarrassing to admit that I'm in a situation such as this. It started the summer before my eighteenth birthday. I fell in love with Dillon Quartermaine, legally my step-brother. Don't ask... It's all very complicated. Dillon was married to his first love, Georgie Jones, at the time so I plotted with Diego Alcazar to break them up. Our plan worked and Dillon slept with me only hours later. We began a torrid affair in the Quartermaine boathouse, rarely coming up for air. I loved him and he needed me. It was enough for awhile. And then the truth came out. He hated me and ran right back to Georgie. I was devastated and became even more confused when I found out I was pregnant.

It was my eighteenth birthday when I found out I was going to have Dillon's baby. I could barely pull air into my lungs without bursting into tears. I was not prepared to take care of a helpless baby... Not when I couldn't even keep my own head above water. Abortion rolled around in my head for awhile. I knew that I couldn't hand my baby over to strangers. It seemed like the only solution. I confessed everything to Dillon in a jumble of hysterical words. That's when the fighting began. Dillon wanted the baby. His family wanted an heir. I wanted my life back... My family wanted me to 'do the right thing'. No one agreed on anything. Diego blamed himself for my distressing situation. I tried to assure him that I had walked into the whole mess with my eyes open... But he took my pain to heart. My wounds cut him deep. I think that's when I began to love him. I decided to have the abortion and finally made Dillon agree to it. His family bit their tongues and stepped aside. My father took me to the clinic, assuring me that I had to do what was best for me. I walked into the sterile room, clutching the stupid blue paper gown. I put it on and stretched out on the cold metal table. I remember staring at the clock, waiting for them to come in and make it be over. The door opened and I found myself staring up at Diego.

He took my hand and promised not to leave me. I could see the guilt in his eyes and fell apart in his arms. He held me until I was out of tears, numb to everything around me. I convinced him to leave, to meet me in a day or two when I had learned to cope a little better. I headed out of the clinic and found Georgie outside waiting for me. She took me to the mansion and I muttered the words I felt I had to say. They could deal with it all later. I was too tired, too scared, to do anything but go to sleep. Dillon and Georgie tried to talk to me for awhile, but I finally collapsed upstairs. I needed my mom... Something no one could give me. My father sat with me until I dissolved into a fit of tears. He was never good at dealing with messy emotions like pain or fear so he left me on my own. I had a nightmare of losing my baby and then becoming my mother. I was a wreck the next morning and started a fight with Dillon as soon as he came to check on me. Diego stopped by to check on me and held my hand as I confessed to everyone that I hadn't had the abortion. Dillon was angry that I had let him think our child was dead. I understood his rage, but wasn't in any condition to handle it. Diego stepped in, forcing Dillon to back off. I only remember falling asleep in Diego's arms on the couch after that. He was gone when I woke up a few hours later.

Dillon stood by me during my pregnancy and we became closer than ever. Georgie hated the sight of us together and finally broke things off with Dillon. He didn't seem surprised or even particularly upset by the break-up. I waited for Diego to call me, excited by the chance to be with Georgie. He admitted, days later, that she had stopped by. He had turned her away, much to everyone's dismay. He had changed from the selfish, jealous boy he had been over the summer. I was proud to call him my friend. Dillon was still uneasy around him, but was slowly accepting that Diego was a permanent fixture in my life. We planned and anxiously awaited the birth of our daughter. He proposed one night, but I turned him down. We agreed that we would take things slow and only get engaged when we were both madly in love with each other. This is when I met Sam McCall. She and I ran into each other at Kelly's one day. She asked about my baby and confessed to having suffered a loss two years prior. We talked over coffee, swapping stories of our pregnancy. She invited me over to dinner at her penthouse, swearing up and down that I had to meet Jason. We set a date and she called to confirm at least twelve times. Dillon and I went for dinner, despite Diego's many protests. I found myself growing close to Jason and Sam over the next few weeks. Which is how I met Milo.

Milo worked for Jason and Sonny as a guard, paid to protect and remain silent. He was adorable and captured my attention instantly. He blushed and stammered whenever I came around, making me want to show up more often. Sam laughed and joked about Milo having a crush. Jason became protective and kept a better eye on his body guard. I reveled in the attention, as always. Dillon seemed a little jealous and insisted on accompanying me to the penthouse more often than not. It didn't bother me... The more attention the better. Milo finally mustered up the courage to ask me out one night after I had spent the entire day baby shopping with Sam. I went into labor before I could even answer. Sam, Jason, and Milo rushed me to the hospital, calling Dillon on the way. Diego was in the emergency room, under arrest and bleeding from a deep gash above his eye. This would be when Cruz fully walked into my life. He was the officer in charge of Diego. So there I was, sweaty and in a huge amount of pain... And I was surrounded by the men who would completely take over my life. Dillon arrived, rushing to my side to hold my hand. Jason ordered Milo to keep an eye on me, unaware of our currently undefined status. Diego insisted to Det. Rodriguez that he stick around until I had the baby and was declared fine. Elizabeth ushered us all into one of the giant elevators, being called away seconds before the doors closed. She quietly ordered Dillon where to take me, promising to meet us up there. It was completely _wrong_ of her... If you ask me.

The elevator, of course, stalled halfway to the maternity floor. Milo turned crimson and turned to face the wall, completely uncomfortable with the situation he was stuck in. Dillon kissed my forehead, held my hand, and promised me that it would be okay. Diego declared a silent truce between him and Dillon. He took my other hand and whispered things in a soft, strong spanish accent. Cruz, always the one to thrive under pressure, went into superhero mode. He was trained for crisis, he told us. Luckily the elevator started running again before I had to deliver. Kelly Lee, my doctor, and Elizabeth took over as soon as the doors opened. They whisked Dillon and I away to a room where it all became a blur. I woke up several hours later to a tiny baby girl, an awed Dillon, a blushing Milo, a fascinated Diego, and a curious Cruz. My brother, also Cruz's partner, had arrived to see his first niece. We all discussed baby names in a hushed whisper, careful not to wake the sleeping baby I now held. Dillon and I fell in love with Cruz's suggestion, Arianna. It means _so pure_. It caught our attention and quickly became our favorite. So that's what we went with. Arianna Lauren Quartermaine. I had caved and allowed her to take her father's name. Everyone, except for Dillon, left not to long after we named her. Elizabeth had shooed them out, demanding that I get a chance to rest. Dillon had crawled into bed with me, cradling my body against his chest as my eyes fluttered shut.

It wasn't until a few months later that I returned to the penthouse. Dillon and I were becoming a family with Ari, but I couldn't completely block out Diego, Milo, or Cruz. I had seen Diego a few times here and there. He would stop by to see Ari and check in on me. Cruz came by with Lucky two or three times. But I hadn't seen Milo since I gave birth to my daughter. Dillon had asked me to move in with him, away from the Quartermaine mansion. The offer was tempting, and definitely best for Ari. I just had to get a few things straight before I could fully commit to him. And, I had realized while contemplating the move, I had never answered Milo's quesion. Sam embraced me at the door, just having returned from a shopping trip with my cousin Carly Corinthos. Milo was in the parking garage, making a trip up with more of her packages. Jason greeted me in the living room when Sam ushered me inside. She and Jason had unofficially adopted a computer geek, Spinelli, who lived in a slightly altered reality of his own creation. The guy was amusing and fun to kick back with. Sam had gone into full-blown mother mode, showering him with the best of everything. Jason went along with it, fond of the kid and slightly afraid to piss off his soon-to be wife. Sam could be a force to be reckoned with.

Milo and I didn't get a chance to talk until I was leaving, three long hours later. I accepted his invitation to dinner with a slight reluctance. I was going home to Dillon, albeit to his family's mansion. I ran into Cruz in the lobby of Jason's building. He was shy, nervous even. He invited me to dinner, conveniently the night after my date with Milo. I accepted without much thought. The guilt hadn't fully kicked in yet. Diego called me while I was in my car. He wanted to take me out to luch, or to dinner if I prefered. I confirmed a lunch date for the same day as my dinner with Cruz. We hung up as I pulled up the spiraling drive of the Quartermaine mansion. I walked in to find Dillon playing on the den floor with Ari. _That_ would be when the guilt set in. I dissolved into tears, sliding to the floor beside him. I confessed to making dates with all three guys and begged for Dillon to understand. I half-heartedly offered to cancel, but Dillon assured me it was fine. I could tell that he hated the idea, it practically made him sick right before my eyes. But we followed our usual routine with Arianna, tucking her in before cuddling on the couch in the den to discuss our days. I told him all about Sam, Jason, and Spinelli. We talked about my brothers, Elizabeth, Courtney, and my two nephews. Elizabeth had just given birth to her and Lucky's daughter Jacey Lynn Spencer. Cameron was a proud big brother. Courtney and Nikolas had finally gotten married, making a perfect family for their son Spencer. We were all happy, my brothers and me. But I was threatening to destroy everything I had worked so hard for. I just didn't know how to stop it... It had already been set in motion.

I began dating Diego, Cruz, and Milo regularly. I, like I already said, was completely honest with them all. I always returned home to Dillon at night. That was probably the only thing keeping him sane. It all happened so fast. A lunch, or a dinner, became another. And then another and another. Lucky was livid, had even tried to get Cruz kicked off the force. Milo and Diego hated each other due to their loyalties to rival mob organizations. Cruz hated them both for their "criminal" ties. Dillon pretended that none of them existed. He stopped being civil when they would visit Ari until they finally stopped showing up. I don't blame him for this. If it was me in his shoes... Oh God. Blood would be shed. I think I already know my decision, despite what all this deliberation has been about. Do I love all of them? Yes. I can't lie. They're all so different, all so special. They each mean something different to me. But only one of them comforts me when I'm scared, soothes me when I'm hurt, and stays by me when I'm to numb to talk. Only one of them covers my ears when I scream, kisses me when I cry, and touches me when I smile. Diego lives for feeling guilty. He thrives on my tears, on being the one to comfort me. Milo loves making me smile. He'll do anything to make me laugh. Cruz is the protector, the defender. He wants me pure, perfect and innocent. He knows me as Lulu, Lucky's beloved little sister. Not as Lulu, danger girl always out for the next drama. But, Dillon...

Dillon saw me at my best and at my worst. He loved me through my lies, my betrayals, and my indecision. He watched me leave, knowing that my lips would be tasting another's. He knew that I'd be in their arms, possibly even their beds. But he held his tongue and welcomed me back when I returned home each night. He cared for our daughter and never accused me of being what I was... A whore. I was destroying the love in his eyes, ripping away my daughter's family. It's slowly killing him to watch me walk out that door, knowing where I'm going to end up. I never meant to hurt him, or them. I had fallen in love. I swear that it wasn't for a cheap thrill, just for kicks. I did some pretty screwed up things in the past, but this... This was for the _right_ reasons. As painful as it all is. So I've called Cruz, Milo, and Diego over. Dillon isn't due home from work for another three hours. I want this done, over with, before he comes back. I want to greet him at the door without secrets and shadows hanging over our heads. God, this is going to hurt like hell. All three of them are looking at me with expectant eyes. They probably figure that Dillon already knows and has left from all the pain. They don't think I'll choose him. Oh, God, why does it have to feel like this? I gesture for them to sit, cuddling Ari against my chest as a shield. She makes a sound in her sleep, her eyes shut tightly. I lick my lips, pacing the floor with my daughter in my arms. "You're going to hate me..."

"Lulu, sit down," Cruz orders softly. He's worried. So is Milo. Diego, I realize, has already figured it out. He knows my decision. I feel tears fill my eyes as I meet his gaze. I nod once, confirming it without words. He pulls me into his arms, mindful of the baby I hold. I pull back slowly, only to realize that Milo has already left. He must've known too. Cruz sighs, stuffing his hands in his pockets as I face him. We stand there for a minutes, Diego standing to my right. The room is silent aside from the ticking clock on the mantle of the den. Dillon has found a house. He hasn't asked me to move in with him again... Just bought it for himself, and me if I want it. Oh, God, I do want it. This realiziation gives me the strength I need to follow this through. "At least it wasn't one of the criminals,"

"Be nice," I remind him softly, my voice breaking as a tear slips down my pale cheek. He brushes it away, tucking a strand of my blonde hair behind my ear. Diego makes a noise in the back of his throat, growing uncomfortable I assume. "I love you. And those criminals. But, Dillon... Oh, Cruz, I'm so sorry,"

"Don't be," He assures me, pressing a kiss to my forehead. He walks out without glancing back at me. I turn to Diego, waiting for his unspoken truce with Dillon to shatter. He just shrugs, kisses my cheek, and walks out. I'm saddened by the fact that I didn't get to have any kind of goodbye with Milo. Maybe it was the only way he could deal with it all. I wipe the moisture from my cheeks and turn to take Arianna upstairs just as Dillon walks in. He doesn't say anything, just kisses the top of our daughter's head and then my cheek.

"You've been crying," Dillon murmurs, taking Ari from me. He doesn't say anything else as he heads up to put her down for her afternoon nap. I stay where I am, frozen to my spot. He raises a curious eyebrow at me when he comes back in. I just stand there, my mouth opening and closing without a single sound coming out. I can see the worry begin to crease his face. He touches my cheek and I lean into his palm, my entire body sinking into his. His arms wrap around me, holding me up when my own legs give out. I wrap my arms around his neck, holding on for dear life. I don't want to let go. I don't want to risk being reject by the man I love above all others.

"You, Dillon. I choose you,"


End file.
